Tense.

I feel a little tense right now. I spent most of the day at drama rehearsals and then tonight we preformed at this youth conference thing in CR. The drama went well and everything, but…something that happened beforehand really just set me in a bad way for the rest of the night.

We had all driven to the church, and were in the parking lot waiting for a few minutes because we were so early. Everybody was car hopping, going from one persons car to another and talking and what not, anyways…I don’t hop. People come to me, I don’t go to them. I have standards. Ha ha okay enough ego. Anywho. So Andrea was in my car, and then Joe hopped in the back. Joe asked if he could see the cds I had up front, and I said “Sure.” and handed them back to him. He thumbed through them and then just stared at me with this COMEPLETELY judgmental expression on his face. He hands me my ‘System of a down’ record and says “Camille, how can you pretend to praise God while you listen to this? All of these Camille, just, how can you?” and I replied “Joe, I’m pretty sure they’re Christian band….” And his rebuttal “Camille, you can say any band is Christian and try and justify it and it doesn’t make it right.”

I was just like…wha??? You’ve got to be kidding me, wha??? So everytime I looked at him tonight I just got a sick feeling in my stomach, and I had to perform with him and it was just awful. I tried to focus, and get my heart in the right place…but it just made me feel like shit. I have never had a problem with my music, and he was turning this whole thing into SUCH a drama, that it just floored me. And the fact that it was JOE made it all worse. The boy who I thought was different from all the others there, and one that I thought could maybe understand me., well, hes just like all the rest. I don’t care if hes had a crush on me for three years, hes a weirdo and I don’t even care if hes tall and has a roman nose! I don’t give a damn! I haven’t liked him for about a year and a half, but I think I despise him more as I get older. Anyways, that’s not all of it…

… I just, gah. Okay, you know what? My faith cannot be shaken by some superficial maniac who doesn’t even know me. That’s right Cam, you’re okay. You just need to find yourself, a group that understands you. All I’m trying to say is, its just hard feeling like this. I completely understand that the people in the church aren’t going to be perfect, yes I get the concept, but I just don’t know what the heck THESE kids are. I don’t get them and they don’t see that I don’t think the way they do. We’re like night and day, only when I’m with them they just smoother me with a huge flashlight or something to make me look like them. But I want the moon and stars.

Okay I need to sleep, I’m just starting to sound insane. Oh, and another funny story. While I was driving down today, I passed this guy who appeared to be in his mid twenties driving a silvarado pickup. He was going really slow, that’s why I remembered him. About two minutes later, he passes me. And the guy waves. ‘Okay’ I think ‘That’s a bit odd, but whatever.’ Then about three minutes later I have to pass him again because hes slowed down, only this time when I go to pass him, he stays even with me. I look over and hes grinning at me. ‘That’s it. I’m gone you jerk.’ I floor it and pass the creep with ease, thanks to my little cars speediness. I basically stayed at 80 until I got to my exit. It did weird me out though, I’ve never had that happen on the interstate before.