Later.

Well we’re off to Minnesota, see you Saturday night.

Sick things.

Oh crap it all.  I’m sick.  I woke up at five thirty, walked for an hour and a half, went to tennis lessons, gave a bead class at the library, mowed Dad’s office lawn, cleaned the kitchen, folded all the towels, put away tents for the kids, helped clean the cars, and ironed while Seth and I watched the some of the Democratic National Convention.  All the while, I notice I am getting sick.  My infernal nose has been slightly running all day, my throat is stinking sore, I have a minor headache, and my bloody back hurts.  I swear I am not trying to throw a pity-party here, I’m just not used to being this busy and sick all at once.

Ah well, I just soaked in a peppermint bubble bath and the work is done for the day.  Thank you Lord for that.

We’re going up to Minnesota this weekend, staying with Uncle Joe and Aunt Vicie like old times.

Except….

It won’t be like old times.  Old times were when my cousin Susan and I would spend EVERY second we could together.  We’d always sit together, ride in the same tube behind Uncle Joes boat…and the best was when we’d lay in her bed late into the night and just talk.  Aunt Vickie would always come and gripe at us to go to sleep, but we never would.  We would talk about everything and anything.  From how much we love to run barefoot in the grass, to our first conversations about *gasp* boys at age 11.  I loved that girl.

Its just…when we got into high school things changed.  We weren’t as close, she became so full of herself, and completely obsessed with her looks. And then last year in January, we got a call that she was pregnant.  She was 16 years old at the time.  Oh man, it freaked me out.  Not Susan.  Not the girl I had giggled with and written so many letters to when I was young.  Not her.  But it was.  It was so sad, Uncle Joe had always loved his girls so much, and wanted only for them to live happy lives, and we could see how much this was hurting him, no matter how hard he tried to cover it up.  They were a wealthy, conservative, seemingly perfect, successful family….and than pow.  

Ug, it’s a long story.  All in all, they decided that Susan would keep the baby, finish school, and at this time NOT marry the father.  Everything was going well until one night when Susan was bout 6 months along.  She went into labor early, started to hemorrhage, and lost the baby.  Had they gotten her to the hospital 10 minutes later, she would have died.

Wow, I can’t believe I just told that story, it really wasn’t necessary…I guess its just been on my mind as of late.  So yes, things won’t be the same with cousin Susan, and her having been pregnant is part of it, but not all.  I don’t know, I just hope it won’t be too awkward this weekend.
 Okay, I’m sick.  I need to be in bed.  Please pass the Nyquil.

From Daisygirl

Daisygirl made this for me, she is wicked talented with photoshop, and shes really sweet.  Thanks Daisygirl! 

And how.

Okay yes, today I have a zit.  It’s not just a ‘Clogged pore, semi-small, white bump, looking thing’, it’s the bloody real deal.  It’s a big old ‘I’m a teenager and what the heck is that MOUNTAIN on the left side of your chin? Em? Em?’.  That’s what its like.

Meghan sent Seth a new album, its by ‘Copeland’ and I absolutely adore it. I burned a copy and every chance I get I pop it in.  Its really funny though, I noticed a lot of the theme seems to lean towards lovers being apart and missing each other.  Hmmm, that’s interesting, no?

Tra la la la.

Okay, whats been fun as of late….

I took Erik to his first concert on Saturday night.  It was just Apt 211, so not that big of a deal. ‘Jonah 33’ was playing and this sucky intro band called ‘Stricken’.  It was actually really fun, all my friends ADORED Erik, they thought he was so sweet.  Joel, Bobby, and Eric taught him how to head bang, Katie and Alex chatted with him in the coffee shop, and Tiff and Nichole just wouldn’t be quiet about how ‘Freaking cute!’ he was.  He had a blast. 

Tiff and I got al the costuming done for our new drama, oh and we just found out that the performance date got moved up three weeks.  So now we only have two practices left before our first performance, and I will be in Minnesota during both of those.  Oh, and I’m right in front and center.  But hey, I’ll pull it off somehow.

We had tennis today, I’m getting better.  I actually served better then Laura and Emily, so that was cool.

The weather is beautiful.  Its like 75 degrees, insanity!  It’s July!  For cripes sake!  Ah well, I shouldn’t complain, our windows are open and I don’t have to worry about sweating like an animal.  I have hooked Sophia’s new cart thingy to the back of my bike and we’ve been crusin all over town.  I give her a bunch of books and crackers, and shes good until I’m wiped.  Fun. 

Okay, I have to go, more later hopefully.

 

 

Word.

Hoo boy.

Chelsea and Marta came over yesterday, we painted nails, went shopping in Cedar Rapids, and made bracelets.  I love those girls.

Just got back from drama practice, its going to be a good one.

Aw cripe, I'll write more later.

Reason.

Oh my word, I just had something crazy happen.  I was driving home from Cedar Rapids, and I was *ahem* trying to get home fast.  Okay, I was going 66 in a 55 zone, or something like that.  Anyways, well I saw police lights flash.  Cripe.  So I pull over, yank out my wallet and the cop steps up to the window.  Ha ha!  Its one of our GREAT friends officer Eric Feller!  He grins at me, says “Okay sweetie, you’re just going a little fast, but you have a nice night hon.” He winks and walks away.
 
Okay, sweet action!  This is when I LOVE living in a small town.  I was like the feller families favorite babysitter, and they freaking worship our whole family, so I slid through my first possible speeding ticket.  Praise Neptune.
 
Oh my word, these last two weeks have been insane.  I was with my youth group from July 11 through the 16, then busy all day Saturday.  And Sunday.  Then Monday.  Then Tuesday.  Oh, and today I woke up, had to spend the morning working on bead business stuff, dashed to work for 5 hours, ran to Church, then got picked up on the way home.  I  am not kidding, either I have been working my butt off at home, mowing, work at Dad’s, in Cedar Rapids doing stuff, tennis lessons, at church, just stuff stuff stuff!  Even my internet life has been crammed, replying to piled up e-mails, talking with TOO many people at one time way into the night, and confirming bead orders.  Oy, and the esrt of the week is just as crammed, drama practices, church, friends coming over, and work. 
 Man its been nuts.  It’s so funny, when a blogger like myself doesn’t have much going on she can post a lot, but its usually boring.  And when I have a crazy, busy, interesting life, I have no time to talk about it.  Sick.

Promise.

A new post will be coming either tonight or tomorrow!  I promise!

Silly Seth.

Okay well I’m back, and I had an incredible time.  I still plan on writing about it, but right now I just want to make sure I get this posted.  Long story short, I was in Cedar rapids tonight, I got home, Dad had pulled in two seconds before me because him, mom, and Seth were all still at this party thing at a friends house.  So I head back over with him, listen to a crappy local band (but they did play one Greenday song), and watched my parents and older brother get drunk.  K, it was really just the bro, poor dear.  He kept getting all huggy and putting his arm around me and what not, very funny.  Anywho, so we decide to walk home, Dad and Mum will come in a bit, so here are a few little tidbits from our conversation when we got home.  Z boy was tipsy, and it was a riot.  Believe me, this is NOTHING!  He was talking so fast this is probably a hundredth of the hilarious stuff that came out of my brothers mouth, I could only write so fast.  I think I need to invest in a tape recorder.      
 
Seth: Dubuqe, Davenport, Johnson County, New York City, Iraq.
 
Camille: Oh nice, seven beers and a push up.
 
Seth: Dinosaurs are scary.
 
Camille:  Ah huh.
 
Seth: Well they are!  They had big toes, like nails…they did!  They were scary…and…they killed that boy in Jurassic Park…
Aw, wheres Meghan?  Shes not on the couch anymore.  She was here…but now shes gone.
 
Camille:  Okay now THAT I’m not putting online. 
 
Seth: No you got to put that on there because I’m drunk and its funny and she’s cute.
I put my shirt back on, see its all buttoned up and I miss Meghan.  Man it sucks, she went back to her stupid Oregon, and that sucky Portland.  Man everyone should live in Iowa.  Did I do that to that horse?  Because if I did it I want to undo it because it looks like crap.  That’s good, that’s good, that’s good pie.  Seriously don’t tell Mom that I was in here with you guys eating pie while I was drunk, she’ll kill me.  Seriously, because she’ll think I am influencing you guys in like a bad way.  Did I say something about Grandma Maude?  So do you like the part where Satan kills God? But it’s okay because God comes back at the end and kicks his butt.  Hey!  No, you put HER when you should of put HERE!  No!  That’s wrong!  You made it wrong!
 
Camille:  Gosh I’m going to fix it shut up!
 
Seth:  Then there was the time when I met the sleeping monkey in my closet, and I taught him the lesson about how to respect himself. All he had to do was make the face and I taught him how to become a flying dolphin.  Now that’s some serious stuff, like the Holocaust.  Man that was some serious stuff, people were dying and everything.  Man I’m drinking root beer and its diet and good for me because its LOW CARB!
 
Camille:  You read slow.
 
Seth:  What are you looking at?  You guys suck I’m going downstairs…man you guys are such losers…I’m going.  Okay I can’t open this door…okay I’m going downstairs, and oh man it’s dark and I’m scared!  I’ve got ‘Wheat Thins’!!!!     
 
So yes, I really want to write about my trip and so much other stuff, but nows not the time. 

Leaving.

Well, I’m off to Florida in the morning. I’m going with my *ahem* youth group. Its supposed to be some sort of conference/fun ‘get to have a good time’ trip or something….I’m not sure. All I know is I got talked into signing up in February by some of the pals, and now the trips here. So tomorrow, I’ll grab my bag, make sure I leave all my ‘non-Christian’ cds at home lest they be confiscated, and hop on a bus full of rowdy church groupies. We’ll play bull, talk our stinking heads off, the guys and a few of the girls (not ME of course, ahem.) will drink so much AMP and REDBULL that they’ll be freaking out and asking to urinate every ten minutes. Then when it gets dark, everyone will get all snuggly and pester you and pester you asking who YOU are involved with, c’mon Camille, tell. And I’ll sit there, longing for my shower, look at them with glazed over eyes and ramble off some generic answer that will make them step off for a while. Then we’ll get there. Oh yeah, every trip is exactly the same. I have it down to a science.

Heheh, no I shouldn’t pretend to be so grumpy, I do have fun.

Seriously, I really am just going to try and take this trip time to really focus on the Lord alone when I can, I won’t have to worry about getting stuff done up here, I’ll just try and give HIM the attention he deserves. I have really been awful about that as of late, so I’m praying that it will just be a good time with Him. And of course, the groupies. *sigh*

So yes indeed, I won’t be back until next Friday night. Goodbye for a bit.

new hair.

Um not like many care, but I told kate I'd post pics of my new layers, shes a hair freak, right girl? Its humid today, my hairs a little frizzy, but there you go chica 

Mmmm back.

All right, our computer is back. Nice. Apparently we just had virus issues, our program was outdated and what not…anyways. We now have better programs and the tech gave me instruction to keep it cleaned. So I have self appointed myself as compys doctor, I will try and keep him as well as possible. Heh.

I got my haircut this morning, made my layers even MORE drastic, it feels great its been THREE months *gasp* since my last trim. Shocking.

Chelsea and Zach were going to come over this afternoon, we were going to hang out, head to Cedar Rapids, probably see an IMAX, shop, dinner, what not… but the plans fell through. Heheh. I was actually pretty relieved, this weeks been crazy and even though I did clean my room and made my hair nice, I wasn’t really in the mood to play hostess. Still though, I forgot my favorite red shoes at Chelsea’s place the other day, and she was going to bring them, not so good. I wants me shoes.

Things are going so much better with mum and I. Oh man, it’s such a relief. Who knows why, but I am not going to ask. Perhaps it’s just that I have been trying harder, or maybe it’s because me mum was just letting the stress get to her, I don’t know. I drove her down to Cedar Rapids tonight (She had to meet Father and a few friends for dinner), and we talked and had a just a wonderful time. When I dropped her off at the restaurant, she made sure I had a cell phone and then said “Drive safe, we’ll see you later tonight. Bye Cam, I love you.”

Oh gosh, my heart just melted. She shut the door before I could say anything back, but the only thing I said anyways was “Yeah…” wow I’m smooth, thank Neptune she didn’t hear me.

Library

Okay, the compys in the shop, I hope it gets back soon and I hope its half way decent. Who knows.

I'm up at the library and we just finished giving a bead workshop. There were like five million kids here, trying to string beads into fantastic little mutated projects...heheh. It was insane, but we're alive and the children of Vinton are happy.

It's FREAKING cold here!!! It's July in Iowa, it's supposed to be at least 95 degrees, and we're wearing sweatshirts at 69!!! What gives? This state has weather mood swings worse then a teenage girl! Good cripe.

Well have to run, I hope compy gets back soon.

Check it.

Okay, check it. Doing stuff, living. Spent yesterday in Cedar rapids with the Chicas, bought some clothes, saw ‘Spiderman2’, went to Target, and of course Emily insisted on Arbys, it’s a ‘Studer Sibling Classic’ as we would say. Good old classic fun. Did the pool thing today, the girl from the homeschool group who shall not be named was there. She talked to me, and I had to respond and pretend to be interested and what not…truly the grace of god got me through it. That girl is the essence of cheekiness and mood swings. You who know me well know who this girl is. Blah and things.

***

Conversations from the hood that make me laugh inside and out.

Camille: Ew, Laura makes me feel dirty.
Emily: I know it’s like just look at her.
Camille: Ew.

***

Mom: …so the bear takes the hedgehog back to his lodge and puts him on his straw –like bed thing…
Camille: Wait, wait, wait…is this a ‘co-ed’ lodge?
Mom: Well they’re all boys… So I guess they could be gay…
Camille: Yeah, because these days ‘co-ed’ doesn’t mean a thing.

***

Mom: …wow…
Emily: Mom, you can’t say ‘wow’ anymore, it isn’t the thing.
Camille: Yeah, now you have to say ‘She bang biz ba boo’ to be hip.
Mom: Well I’m afraid I’m not going to do that.

***

Mom: Are you sure you don’t want any?
Camille: No I’m fine, if I start then I won’t want to stop…so I should probably just stay away from drugs…and food… and alchohol…and sex…
Mom: *Laughs head off*

Saturday and Things.

Well hmm. I am feeling quite a bit better then I was last night, let’s try and break a whole long story into points as to why I’m feeling better.

*I talked with the sisters last night about why I have been ‘grumpy’ lately, told them I wasn’t mad at them, I am just frustrated and feeling smothered. I think they understood. We watched the kids together, joked around, laughed our heads off, and went back to being the allied force of the Studer sisters. I don’t know what happened, we were cleaning the kitchen while the kids played in the yard and I made a joke about something and the girls just busted up, Emily laughed so hard she had tears running down her face. It felt so good to not be mad at each other, it was as if something clicked and the tension was gone. It faded away in our laughter.

*Mom was really fairly nice to me on Friday, I think she felt sorry about how bad things got Thursday night, even though she’s still probably feeling the way she did, it’s kind of nice to think that she has some flicker of love in her heart for me. *Laugh* Okay maybe I’m being a little dramatic, but still. When that woman is angry with me I can’t stand it. The best was when her and Dad came home from their date. She walked in the house and said it looked wonderful, and then we all sat in the living room together and talked about their evening. I sat at her feet wrapped up in a blanket, and I didn’t even worry about my parents being disappointed with me. Then she pulled out three Target gift cards, and gave one to each of us girls. She said they were for babysitting, but we haven’t gotten paid for babysitting in years, well, at least not for just a few hours like last night. All I am saying is that the gift cards were a peace offering, as sick as that may seem. When Mom handed me mine I knew it was her little way of saying she was sorry. *sigh* I will get through this. I will try my hardest, and do whatever I can to please my family. But if that doesn’t work I’m not going to kill myself over it. I’m done with feeling frustrated and guilty. I will trust in Christ, and he will pull me through.

Okay, so that’s my ending to Friday night, here’s my Saturday in somewhat of a nutshell.

*Woke up, stared out my window at the bright green leaves of summer and hopped out of bed. Showered and all that good stuff.
*Did chores around the house. Went through room. I am trying to get rid of as much stuff as possible, I feel a need to get organized, find my center you might say. Anywho, I have already cleaned out quite a bit of stuff, a lot of clothes and the like, so that’s fantastic to me.
*Put away the boys laundry, it’s quite a chore, it took me an hour and a half. Little savages and their infernal clothes.
*Did my weight training. Weird I know.
*Cleaned some more.
*Got on the computer, talked with lovely people, replied to e-mails, did my little computer chores, all that good stuff.
*Then there was the walk. Now, I was debating on whether or not I should even go, I was exhausted and the weather was a little iffy, what with the darks skies and all the rain in the afternoon. But in the end I forced myself to go. I grabbed my diskman, slammed in new batteries and a Greenday album, put on my running shorts and Nike airs, and ran out the door. I had gotten to the river, it took me about fifteen minutes, when I felt the first rain drops. Soft warm little dots of water, and then about 30 seconds later it was coming down in sheets. ‘Oh man, what should I do? I have got my diskman with me, and do I want to be soaking wet for another hour and fifteen minutes?’ Sure I do. I held on to my diskman really tight (Thank heaven it’s old and a piece of crap so I really didn’t worry about it that much.) and started running fast towards downtown, and possibly the safety of dad’s office or something. It was the most fantastic thing ever. I ran and ran, the rain was so warm and coming down in such fantastic amounts, it really was like a ‘shower’. Oh man it felt great, I was still by the river and the raindrops plinked on it’s surface which was only about ten feet below me. I probably looked like a savage, running in the rain like that, but I don’t care. I haven’t had as much fun in a long time. It was gorgeous. Anywho, it rained straight for about 20 more minutes, and then off and on for the rest of my walk. I was soaking wet, and the only real problem I had with this was I felt myself getting a blister from the wet skin on my left ankle. It hurt really bad but I pushed on. It got dark and fireflies twinkled, darling little insect pixies floating in the hot summer air.

I got home and Erik and Nile laughed at how wet I was, Nile said I looked like a cat that fell in a toilet, and Emily screamed “Oh my gosh! Look at your ankle!”

I had taken my shoes off at the front door, and now I looked down at me foot. I was still wearing a sock but the back half was covered in blood, literally bright red. I pulled it off and the back of my ankle was covered in thick dark blood, and to be honest the skin was not looking so pretty. So yes, I guess I did have a blister.

A mess of Venting and Stress.

Went to a drama meeting last night, apparently we are officially getting the group back together. Ug, but the first thing we are going to do sounds like it’s really going to suck, ah well. I will try and stay positive for Tiff. She’s a good girl.

It was so funny, on the way down I was listening to Greenday, I got there and realized I was wearing my ‘Tropical Brewing Company’ shirt with the mermaid on it, and I pulled out a Stephan King novel to fill out a form on. Heh, so I guess you could say I failed as a youth group groupie. Ah well, at least I’m honest.

Uggg…. The folks had a talk with me last night. They think I am not involved enough, that I can’t focus because I stay up too late….oh and so much other stuff. I was crying by the end of it. It sucked so bad. I don’t know what to do, I guess I am just going to try harder to do extra junk around here….blah. I realize that I haven’t been doing enough around here, I have been frustrated, but I just…I have wanted a break from it all. Oh man, they hounded me…and yes I have screwed up in areas…still. It sucks. I wish I could just run away for a while, not leave the family completely, but just not be part of it right now, and when I came back it would all be the same. Ah! I am rambling, let me try and break it into points.

My problems.

*They think I am not focused.
*They don’t like how much I am on the computer (I realize I have been on it more then ever lately, but compared to most people it’s nothing!).
*They don’t like me getting calls from a certain boy (Even though I HAVE NO STUPID FEELINGS FOR THE GUY!!! And he might as well be a girl for cripes sake! They just don’t trust me!!!)
*They don’t like me driving down to Cedar Rapids so much, okay, fine. Why don’t you dig up some cool people in Vinton for me then, hmm? Please parents!! Do it!! You moved me to this little patch of nothing, whipped me out of school before I even got started, and now you want to gripe at me about my friends being far away and sometimes the opposite sex???? Forget you!!! I have worked my butt off to make you two happy!!! And now I have a couple of bad months, and it’s like all that was for nothing! I am not trying to sneak around and DO anything, it wouldn’t be worth it! Why are they so FREAKING suspicious??? I am 17 years old!!! You don’t need to hold my hand when I cross the freaking street, I am going to be an adult next year!!! You two were three years from being married with a kid when you were my age, but you FREAK out when you hear that I might have a few guy friends that I talk to often! Oh and yes!!!! Now I need to focus more on SCHOOL work, NOW I do! What about all those times I begged to start a new math book??? All those infernal hours of reading??? Why is it NOW school is a PROBLEM for me???? WHY???
*Oh, and my sisters are driving me crazy too. Emily is snippy with me everytime I do something she doesn’t like, go to Cedar Rapids, get on the computer…whatever. If I am not totally entertaining them and being my ‘Charming Camille’ self, she HATES me. And it’s the same with Laura, only she just acts like a bitchy dork. But to be honest, I like her more then Emily lately.
*I don’t know where I want to go to college. Do I stay here in Vinton and attend Kirkwood here and in Cedar Rapids because I can live at home and the folks will pay for school? Or should I just tear myself away, fly somewhere, almost kill myself getting adjusted to living on my own and the pressure of school and bills?
*Yes, I need to work on my math, but we have been so crazy busy that when I find time to do it, Mom can’t help me….gah!!! It’s not that hard, I just need to get the crap done.
*I need to find a a job because I want to start saving up loads of money. Sure I could work lot’s more hours at Dad’s but to be honest…I HATE IT!!!! I hate that place! It’s a beautiful office, I get paid 8 dollars an hour, my father is there…but I hate it!! I always get my work done so quick that I just have to wait for the phone to ring or for the other secretary to bring me something to fax. When there is loads of work to do it’s great, the time fly’s…but there is rarely a day like that for me. I would rather be a waitress with a hundred tables to wait on then this infernal having to dress up and talk to rich old people who are about ready to croak!!!!!
*Oh and yes, the stupid boy I have had somewhat of a crush on for the past three years seems to have no feelings for me now, and you know what? Neither do I!!! What is wrong with me? The boy I was so sure I would like forever, the boy I thought I could maybe, possibly marry, I could care less if I ever saw him again!!! HA!! Am I going insane??? I feel fine, I honestly do, and I think if I were a year older none of this would even be a problem, but it’s this NOW stupid being 17 problem and stiull having my parents control practically everything I do, I have to check EVERYTHING with them. Check check check. Take a cell phone. What are you doing on the computer? Who are you talking to? Why are you talking to them? Come do stuff with us, come come come. Do your dang chores, feed the stupid cat, sort the crappy laundry!!! Mop the stupid floor!!! Oh, but still love us and want to spend time with us, k?

*tears* I do still love them.

Okay, I don’t think I solved ANYTHING but it felt good to get some of that out. I only wish I could give more details, but this is a public blog, and some things should stay inside my head and house. And what a mess I have made of it already. I’m sorry to whoever (if anyone) who might read this. I guess I need to vent and just do and say whatever I want to for a change.

Gah! I wish I was on a plane to the Bahamas right now with a great book on my lap, and a charming guy who loves me sitting next to me. But nope. Isn’t happening. Oh God, I’m sorry to be so stressed. I wish I wasn’t.

Party.

Okay, Zach's birthday party is over. Chelsea and i pulled of my surprise attendance and everything went well. Did tons of 'Chinese fire-drills' ha ha! Good times, giving Chelsea heart attacks and what not. Worry-wart control freak that she is. We stayed up till 4am talking, Chelsea, Zach, and I that is. Fun times, all good. Tired.
Look at pics below.

pictures of the boys.

Zach and Sam. I am a huge Sam fan, he is so ....Sam. Just met him, and he seems really cool. Weird, but cool. 

um, boy's again.

Sam, Zach, and Stink. Fun dudes, but all in serious need of haircuts. 

Camille and Zach.

Camille and Zach, me with the big birthday boy. 

Camille and Chelsea.

Camille and Chelsea, she makes me look tall. What a cutie.