Coocoo

I got really stressed out tonight, started spazing actually. I let the college thing hit me again. Well, it actually started with my credit card drama. Long story short, I want a credit card to purchase my computer with. Why? Because I need to establish credit anyways, and it would be the easiest form of payment because my debit has a limit and checks are a hassel when the nearest apple sotre is in Des Moines. So blah blah blah, I've been waiting to get my Edward Jones platnum approved before I buy my computer, but I can only get a $500 dollar credit limit!!! For cripes sake! I have pleanty of money in my checking, and even more in my mutual funds. All I want to do is buy it with my credit card, and then pay my credit card off so I can establish credit for the future! But NO! Their reason for this tiny credit limit is because I am going to a two year school in the fall insted of a four year. GAH!!!!! And curses! I am totally good with money, I have my head on straight...but because I am going to a small school that means I'm a hick who is going to go out and use all his credit on a boat or Harley or something absurd like that. You know, because that's what kids from two yeah colleges are like. Yuck, yuck, I done gone and fell in love with my cousin...and I can only spend five hundred dollars of credit!!! INFERNAL!!! We've had to call them like a million times, but they won't budge.

*Ahem* Anyways. SO that had me in quite a mood. And then, as mentioned before, I got thinking about college, and careers, and stress and worries flooded my brian. I feel like I've been pretty good lately about keeping chilled about the whole deal, seriously. I've done alright. But tonight....I just....I don't know. Started freaking out again. I want to have something in my head, that I can at least think about workinhg towards. I want to think of a career that would be good, and something that I would care about even if it's just a little, that's all I'm asking for. Now, do I want to be a lone woman with an amazing career? Not really, not at all actually. I would like to have get married and have a family some day...but there is no gaurentee of that happeneing. GUH! And whenever I talk to my mother about this she always says "Just go some place where you'll find a guy to marry." That's all she says! I mean geez, that's what she did....little Miss married at 20 to the guy I'd already been dating for 5 years. I don't know if that will happen for me, so I'm not planning on it!!! Okay why am I so angry at my own mother right now? Wow...

Alright, chilling
Okay chilling.
Chillster.
Cool.
Chilled.
Chill.

So yeah. It was a weird night. Basically I just danced in the kitchen to white stripes music while Emily did the dishes, and then I threw a bunch of colored paper on the table and cut up shapes and glued them together to release some creative energy. I made this bizarre thing that looked sort of like a colorful edgy coral reef with swilrs, funky plant like shapes, and hearts and diamonds...

I think I'll be alright though. This has to happen every once in a while. I think I'll be good for a couple of months now at least.